In a couple of my previous posts, I have made a few running references, and while this might seem insignificant, running is a huge part of my life and has been for years. Some of my closest friends come from running - from high school cross country and track, to losing that freshman fifteen running with my sorority sisters, and now running with an all-gal's group on Saturday mornings.
I look forward all week to meeting my group on Saturday for our long runs - it's my free therapy session in which all topics of conversation are free game. From venting about work, to complaining about our husbands' bad habits of leaving laundry on the floor (seriously honey, the laundry basket is the blue plastic thing in your closet!), to sharing your goals, hopes, dreams and fears. There is something intimate about running - maybe it's the adrenaline, or the endorphins, or maybe it's the fact that we spend three hours struggling through a 22 miler and talking takes our minds off the pain. I spend more time with the girls I meet each Saturday (and sometimes Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday!) than I do with my 'best friends', and sometimes even more than my own husband and family. Running is my passion, a huge joy in my life, and also allows me to eat that extra cookie and glass of wine!
So I am struggling with a few things as I wrap up month five of this pregnancy - all of them sounding very selfish to me. First, I am struggling with the fact that I am slowing down and running is becoming so much harder - even though I know it's for an amazing reason, and it's good for Baby O for me to take it easy. I worry that I am slowing down and won't be able to run with the 'fast' girls in my group once I get back in shape. But even harder, I am struggling with what feels like a loss of myself - I identify myself as a "runner" - it's been such a huge part of my life for so many years, and over the past few weeks I've felt like it's slowly slipping away. I worry that after Baby O is here, many sacrifices will need to be made, and running takes time that I wouldn't be able to, or want to, spend away from my family. I worry that the running portion of my life might be over.
However, I believe that each sacrifice I will make after the arrival of Baby O will be worth it. I also know that I have an incredibly supportive husband, who has travelled the country with me for races, not been
too irritated when I head out in negative wind chills and icy conditions, and who will continue to support me in my passion as our family expands. And I believe that continuing to run post-Baby O will make me a better mom, wife, and friend. So I have to believe that sometime in the future, though maybe slower and a few pounds heavier, I will be back out there on the roads with my girls once again attending those Saturday morning therapy sessions.